Friday, December 30, 2011

Most Read of 2011

I have found making lists to be increasingly simple, and the conclusion of the year is a perfect time to exploit this lazy writing format. Soon it will be 2012, so here is another list, the most read articles on STMTZ from 2011.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

5+ Reasons I Don't Go To The Movies

I have gone to a movie theater one time in the last two years, and the only reason I went that time was because my ticket was free. I am not some anomalous person who doesn't like movies, in fact in that same time frame I have watched hundreds of films, just not in Theaters. Due to this I get many quixotic looks as to why I have voluntarily avoided the movie theater for such an extended period, and why I have absolutely no intentions of returning to the theaters in the foreseeable future. So instead of repeating myself again and again, I am just going to lay out my grievances here on the internet, where they will remain for eternity.

#5 Food
I love food, I love good food though, and I have yet to find a theater that provides this. I love sitting down at home with a big plate of pasta or some slices from a local pizza joint and watching a movie. It's hard for me to want to go out to a place that demands the amount comparable to a nice sit down dinner, for a bucket of cheap popcorn and a box of sour patch kids. And if I do want sour patch kids and popcorn, I can buy them too! I love eating a big meal and watching a movie while I wash it all down with a nice stiff drink, and that the theater can not duplicate, speaking of...
Yumm! Nothing like a $10 bowl of butter and exploding corn.

#4 Comfort
I hate wearing jeans, in fact I practically hate wearing anything that isn't my pajama pants, and while I have been known to venture out of the house dressed more for bed than a night on the town, it still doesn't feel the same when I have to sit in an upright position. God invent couches for laying on while you watch movies, this much we know as fact. He also invent bathrooms to be used for, well bathroom things.
When this becomes standard seating at the theater I might come back...might...

Saturday, December 24, 2011


Christmas Tree, Perry Square, Erie, Pa.
Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope that you all have a wonderful day! Get all the things you asked Santa for, and all the reactions you expect for the gifts you got those you love. And please don't spend too much time on the internet, for this one day! Focus on those you are with, unless you can't be with those you want and have to Skype it in like I did last Christmas. And for anyone having to work on the holiday, like myself, we appreciate your sacrifice. I for one will not be visiting any businesses tomorrow, and I hope you all do the same, and maybe places can be closed 1 day a year again.

Done preaching! Have a great Christmas and enjoy your friend, family, presents and of course FOOD!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Top Ten Photos of 2011

'Tis the season when every writer apparently runs out of things to say and, in a bid to stay relevant, conjures up an array of top ten lists about the previous and/or forth coming year. So, as one who does not believe in upending the status quo I have created my own top ten, and in doing so realized how much easier it is to make a top list than to actually create an article.

Many of you have joined me on my travels, and some of you have been with me since before I even set off or hell even made plans to go on the road. I love all of you equally and my Christmas present for you is my top ten photos taken on my Droid 2. They are presented in the order they were taken as I apparently don't believe in hierarchical systems.

Big Lake, William B. Umstead State Park, Raleigh, NC. 
 As some of you may well know I called Raleigh, NC home for most of 2011, William B. Umstead State Park was my sanctuary. I managed to walked every foot of every marked trail in the park, as well as miles of game trails. Big Lake was one of my favorite spots to just sit and watch the planes take off from RDU, which is located just behind the lake.

WMATA subway tunnel, Washington D.C.
 While I wrote about most of my trip across America, I left out one of my favorite legs, a drive from Raleigh, NC back to my hometown of Erie, Pa on my motorcycle. I stopped and visited my friend Michael Hong while I was in the Nations Capital and in the two days I was their managed to have one of the best experiences of my life. Washington D.C. was an awesome city, and I plan on returning soon to visit the Smithsonian Museums, which due to time constraints I was unable to see on this occasion.

Delicate Arch, Arches National Park, Utah.
 Arches National Park is one of the most beautiful places in America, while it is out of the way for most people, I would suggest that anyone who loves beautiful landscapes and amazing geological formations make it a point to visit the park in their lifetime.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Travel Logged

If you have stopped by anytime in the past couple months than you are well aware of my latest travel adventure. Every time I tell anyone a story from my travels they inevitable comment on how much they would love to be able to travel extensively. It seems to be everyone's wish to be able to travel freely. So as someone who has spent much of my adult life on the road I would like to inform you of how unglamorous excessive travel can be.

5. Food
One of the first thing everyone thinks about when they think of traveling is the food. From ethnic cuisine in Europe to regional dishes in the States, food is a main focal point of most peoples travels, to eat like the locals and experience meals that one will most likely never get a chance to indulge in again.
Dinner is served.
It would be a lie for me to tell you that I haven't experienced some of the most amazing food during my travels. From caprese in Italy to the delicious Hispanic dishes of the American south west, the foods I have enjoyed during my travels are some of my greatest memories of the places I have visited. There is a reason, however, to why these experiences stick out in my travels, because they are so rare. I would argue that on the latest trip across America, 75% of the food consumed came in a wrapper or passed through a window before being consumed. Even on my trips to Europe much of the food I consumed was done so more out of necessity rather than for cultural experience. Airports, bus stations and the inside of the car become your dining room, as you grab the quickest cheapest thing to quell your hunger.

When you do get the joy of stopping and eating the local cuisine, your stomach is likely to find issue with the plethora of unknown entities flowing into it. On more than one occasion I got the joyous experience of getting to enjoy my meal a second time while wrapped around a toilet. But it's not always a rush that causes one to need to grab crappy food...

4. So Bored
Sitting on a beach, bathing in the sun's warm rays as the waves gently caress your feet. An image that instantly enters peoples minds when they think of traveling to exotic locations, advertisements for Sandals Resorts use this imagery to sell people of traveling to some island in hopes of removing all the money from their pockets. It's the image, pinned up in cubicles around the world, of paradise.

Friday, December 9, 2011


Last year at this time I wrote the article "2011." That article was full of predictions for the upcoming year, a year that is now coming to a nice tidy conclusion in the coming weeks. The articles predictions were about as accurate as any prediction of the future, and verified my lifelong assumption that I do not possess psychic powers. In fact not only did my sweeping generalizations of what would happen to the world not come true, but my preconceptions of my own 2011 distinctly missed the target, leading me to be writing this from a cold basement somewhere within a stones throw of the Arctic Circle, or possibly just somewhere in Pennsylvania, whats the difference anyways.

So I have decided that, due to my unquestioned success from last year, it is my duty to inform you and, subsequently, all of humanity of my vision of how things will pan out in 2012. So without further ado....

STMTZ's 2012 Predictions and Likelihoods Certainhoods.

The year of 2012 will be a tumultuous year, as the United States (the only country that really matters anyways) continues to attempt to dig itself out of a finical crisis that has left scores of millionaires questioning how they will afford a new summer home after a rogue group of Occupy Wall Streeter's decided to take their tents to the Hamptons, where an unattended campfire starts a hedge fire that quickly engulfs the seaside resort which has suffered greatly at the hands of the multi-year economic disaster.
The means YOU! Hippies!

In Europe (the only other landmass Americans can reliably find on a map aside from their own country) the powers that be come to a resolution, which as expected sends stocks soaring around the globe. Just as sighs of relief are heard from Malibu to Lake Como, another European country announces that it somehow lost a staggering sum of money, sending stocks plummeting back into the Mariana Trench, but not before those with the means and knowledge had time to short all the stock options, assuring another year of positive growth for the Ferrari and Lamborghini corporations of rural Italy.
You can ad this to the STMTZ wishlist!
After five minutes everyone will stop caring about the events of those funny talking fellows on the other side of the blue blob and the attention will return, rightfully, to the United States where, in a surprise move, the citizens stage a write-in campaigns electing to have a Golden Retriever, named Apollo, from New Brunswick, to be the GOP candidate to go up against President Obama, in spite of the plethora of qualified candidates hand selected for them by News Corp.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Thanks Giving

It is almost Thanksgiving, the holiday that last year I declared the "Best of All Holiday." I still stand by that declaration, having gone through the full gamut of holiday's over the past 365 days. This year I want to do something different than just profess my love for all things turkey, I want to use this holidays namesake as a platform to acknowledge all of those who have help become what it is today.
Here is a picture from the past. 1. because I am lazy 2. because 99% of you weren't here last year, so it's new to you. 
Just over a year ago, on November 9th 2010, was born, actually it was called StMetzish during those early days. It was just me writing blog entry after blog entry to myself, even my mom couldn't be bothered to stop by and read my ramblings. Due to an inflated sense of self worth I continued to write, knowing that my thoughts were exactly what the world needed to read. The viewership went up and we started gaining followers, very very slowly.

Eventually the website found itself, and began to have some sort of coherence. The structure allowed for the followers and visits to flourish. I can still remember celebrating a day with 10 hits, now we get more than that every minute, and that is where I want to start.

Thank you to everyone who comes to the site, reads and especially comments. A huge Thank you to everyone that takes the time to share a post or the site on their facebook, Twitter, Google+ or any other social platform. Without you guys I would still be talking to myself, and honestly I would have stopped writing altogether. So again Thank You and continue to stop by and hang out and invite your friends, family and hell even your arch nemesis.  

Luckily this site has been able to generate some income, however miniscule that may be, and I am not going to lie that I would love for my blog to flourish to the point I could write for ya'll 24/7. So on that note...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Today is November 9th, at least for a couple more hours anyways, and you know what that means? I doubt it, but it is the one year birthday of!

A year ago I started this blog with no real direction, just a compilation of my thoughts and comics, mainly just because I was bored. Originally the site wasn't but That first month we had almost no views, but for some reason I kept on writing, talking to yourself seems a lot less weird when done on the internet. Somehow people started showing up, probably in search for free porn, and I continued to write.

We had the Bad Dyno comics, the super short lived GSB comics and the Hat and Glove comics, we had a series of attempts to add content. And than the article 2011 was written and was a hit, instantly our numbers grew and had a direction. Since then our viewership has grown from hundred to tens of thousands and I would like to thank everyone for stopping by, reading, coming back, and sharing links.

So please keep pushing that like button at the bottom of articles, tweeting links to the posts and telling your friends. Maybe we can cross 1million views per month by next year!


Thursday, September 22, 2011

...and away we go

Tomorrow we embark on our epic American adventure. By we of course I mean myself and Shaun Jewell, who you may have already been introduced to if you frequent the STMTZ blog.

I will be blogging the trip here at STMTZ and, time permitting, will also be writing the humorous articles you have all come to expect from me.

A lot of people have asked us why we are going on this trip, the truthful honest answer is "I don't know," it has been a long time since I have done anything worth mentioning and my philosophy is that life is about the stories you have to share. In other words I want my life to turn out something like the dad's in Big Fish, such a fantastically absurd life that my own children won't even believe me, but everyone else is captivated by the tales.

To finish out the W's:
Who: Myself, Shaun Jewell and a slew of guests, also in the back end of the trip we will be joined by Dylan Brann, who yes indeed wrote that book that is always being advertised on STMTZ.

What: A free-for-all journey across North America.

Where: Anywhere our hearts take us, or where someone will let us sleep on their floor!

When: throughout the next two months, although the only thing for sure is we leave tomorrow...TODAY, Sept 23rd 2011.

and How: my beautiful trusty 1999 Chevy Tracker, with 184,000 miles, she is a beauty and I trust you will see many pictures of her in the coming weeks.

So, I hope you all enjoy awesome pictures and stories because you'll be getting quite a dose of them over the coming months.


Wednesday, August 31, 2011


I recently was asked by a friend to write them an itinerary of things to do in Rome. Things that are not listed in the tourism books. So I compiled this list of Tips and My Top Ten, Some of the things are indeed main tourist attraction, such as The Via Condotti, however I was writing with my friend interests in mind so I was required to point out where the high end shopping was.

That being said this list is a bit messy as it was more of a compilation of notes rather then a fully formed article. I have, however, added pictures for your enjoyment, they are all mine, save for the one of Tartufo.

At the bottom of the article I have put a map of Rome which has markers referring to the listed items, so please use that for guidance, and please feel free to share any of your Rome stories in the comment section. 

My Top Ten
1. Tre Scalini- Best gelato in the world. My opinion and the view of Lonely Planet travel guide.    But you MUST get the Tartufo, they invented the dish and don't bother getting it anywhere else.

   If you like chocolate you will probably find yourself getting this dessert a few times a day

2. La Fraschetta - Try the Salami pizza, or any pasta dish. Also the  caprese con pomodori e Mozzarella di bufala (simply bufala mozzarella, tomatoes and (sometimes) fresh basil) be sure to order in season.  

3. Villa Borghese gardens and Galleria Borghese- A beautiful park with some old temples strewn throughout the gardens.
The 19th century "Temple of Aesculapius," in Villa Borghese, was built purely as a landscape feature.
   The museum is amazing and due to limited passes per day very quite (especially for a Rome tourist attraction). 
The Gardens are elevated giving spectacular views of Rome and Vatican City to the west.  
View over Rome from Villa Borghese

4. Vie Del Pie' Di Marmo- Small walk in pizza shop, don't remember the name. Only place I found that served Pepperoni (American style).

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Greatest Idea (that I didn't come up with)

Baby Banning is a new movement slowly creeping its way across the nation, nay, the world. Due to the growing economic influence of childless couples and singles, businesses are starting to enact policies which prohibit children. This trend is obviously catching some flack, mainly from parents of young children, who already think that, because they are caring for the future generation of cubicle drones, they deserve special privledges.

Most of the places current enforcing or considering a Baby Ban are upscale entertainment options, however the idea seems to be getting a thoughtful nod from some less obvious places. Restaurants are  some of the most prevalent issuers of the policy, and why not is their anything more annoying than a child throwing a tantrum, only for the parent to sit their oblivious that their offspring is disturbing everyone else in the facility. Movie Theaters also seem to be found of the idea, again nothing ruins a movie quicker than a obnoxious child, except maybe the 14 people texting at any given moment (two reasons I haven't set foot in a cinema in over a year).

Every childless adult seems to be very pleased with the idea of a Baby Ban and considering the amount of money many yet-to-reproduce adults have, businesses are listening. The parents with young children are not taking this well because they are being treated like a smoker in 2005. However, it must be noted that parents with young children have a tendency to feel like the world should cater to their every whim because they are raising the next superstar or rocket scientist, so anything they feel or think should be written off as delusional at best.

Learn to control your children and than maybe (but probably not) I will give a hoot (seriously I still won't but control the little fucker).

Thursday, July 7, 2011

5 Customers Dreaded By Servers

Awhile back I wrote an article about Customers Dreaded By Cashiers. Since that time I have left the world of retail for the restaurant industry, and have re-encounter a bevy of irritating people, more politely referred to as customers or patrons. I am sure everyone, whether having been wait staff before or not, is aware of the obvious annoyances, bad tippers, people who decide everything wrong with their life is your fault, and of course, those who smell repulsive. But I don't want to bore you with those scenarios, instead I have made a list of 5 types of customers hated by servers, with which I will now bore you with. 
How shocking! A blogger by night, waiter by day. Bet you never saw that coming

5. Indecisive People
Who is this?
Most people who walk into a restaurant are aware of how the general process goes, however their is a small sect of patrons who decide that this process is apparently outdated and has decided it's better to sit around and talk for 30 minutes before ordering. 95% of tables have figured out that you decide what you're going to order prior to reminiscing about your braces getting ensnared with Frank Bellamy in the teachers lounge in 9th grade, this table however has decided that they would like to mix things up a bit.
And make your phone calls before and after coming to eat. I don't think you are important, you're just an asshole.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Half and Half

Today, July 3rd, is the middlemost day of the year, which means at noon 2011 is exactly half over and half yet-to-come. My first idea was to write an article regarding where exactly 2011 has taken us as a society, then I remembered that I don't pay attention to the news or bother with anything (TV shows, sports, Celebrities) in the current timeline and that my observations would be utterly moronic.

I can't tell you one band that released a CD this year, minus the unavoidable ones like Britney's "Femme Fatale" and Gaga's "Born This Way".  I can't tell you who, if anyone, has replaced The Kardashian's as the new undeserving celebrities. I can't elaborate on who exactly is running for president, or even what the big issues are.
I would endorse Ron Paul at this point but that seems counterproductive after my previous statement.
I can't tell you what Middle Eastern country is currently attempting to overthrow their government, or whether the US supports of opposes the citizens of this unknown land. I can't tell you if the US economy is about to collapse or is currently recovering. I would be pressed to even confidently give you my assessment of Obama's presidency. 

If you waded through that tangent on my lack of knowledge you have arrived at this destination, and are probably wondering where exactly this post is going. Well Mom, thanks for sticking with my rant and now I will rewarded you with a list of stuff I do know.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Why America Doesn't Need High-Speed Rail

Their has been a lot of talk about why America doesn't catch up with the rest of the world and build high-speed trains. I am in favor of a high-speed train but their are some very basic reasons why it just doesn't make sense for the United States.

Americans love convenience,

this is stating the obvious, what I mean by this is very few American's are going to ditch their cars for a train ride, where they'll find themselves on the other end car-less, and having to shell out more money to rent another car on the other end.
Also Americans love to take everything with them when they travel and having to limit their luggage to a few items isn't going to go over too well, think of all the anger about baggage fees (I lived out of a backpack for two months, it's was still small enough to be a carry-on, most American's wouldn't dream of doing this.)
    • American is a very unfriendly country to try and navigate by foot, most cities are built around the assumption you will be exploring them via 2 tons of steel, this makes walking pretty much impossible and defiantly undesirable. 
But people don't take their cars when they fly?

Saturday, June 25, 2011


I was having major difficulty coming up with a topic to write about, but after working with my muse I came to this topic. It's about the worlds (stupidest?) new obsession, Planking. Now if you have never heard of this new trend I suggest you leave now before you heart mind and sole (on your left shoe) are forever scared with the irremovable stain of mass human stupidity.

Like anything truly moronic planking appears to have been invented by some bored British gentleman, and then borught to full scale fame in Australia.

I would assume in a country where mutant-duck-beavers with poisonous spurs are the least of your worries, you wouldn't have so much free time. I apparently assumed incorrectly.
Planking is one of the greatest feats of combining drunken stupidity with internet meme's, (at least one of the greatest feats that won't result in informing all your future neighbors that you moved in down the street).
Because I am a lazy writer I have copy/pasted this entry for wikipedia to explain what planking is, incase you ignored my warning and ventured this far into the article.
The lying down game (also known as planking,[1] or face downs) is an activity, popular in various parts of the world, consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. The hands must touch the sides of the body, and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game.[2] Players compete to find the most unusual and original location in which to play.[2] The location should also be as public as possible, and as many people as possible should be involved.[3] 

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Can You Spare Some Change

The other day I was reading a book about sushi, because I work at an Asian restaurant and it was there. The author of the book was obsessed with traditional sushi, and decided more than once to go off on tangents about how any deep fried sushi is not sushi. Now, if you have not had the opportunity to eat a deep fried sushi roll I suggest you stop reading and find a restaurant that serves it and go eat it. If you discover that it is not the greatest thing you ever put in your mouth, then please leave a comment on what exactly could be better. Anyways, his entire point was that sushi is raw fish and therefore cooking it was some sort of abomination of the foodstuff.
Change tastes soooo good
This example is a perfect representation of our feelings towards change, especially in the cultural arena. A couple weeks back, I wrote an article about how our understanding of the word irony has changed. This is not anywhere close to the first instance of a words meaning changing over time, and yet every time a word changes or alters meaning there is backlash from the community. About a year ago I read an article about how the New York Times editors decided not to use the word "tweet," but rather the extended form "posted on twitter," because apparently not everyone understands what tweeting is, which of course makes no sense because if "posted to TWITTER" makes sense to you then "tweet," most likely also would. It was simply an issue of a new word joining the cultural lexicon and someone found issue with this. I don't know the current standing on the "tweet" verbiage issue at the NYT, because I stopped paying attention to the news.
Now that is what I call precious! Or breakfast!!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Stay in School

So we hear of these programs daily, increase kids self esteem, get kids to go to college, or at least not drop out of high school, and we think "oh, what a wonderful program." Well by we I mean you because I do not think that I think, what is all this banter about getting kids to go after their dreams. I am defiantly a dreamer, I mean I am 24 haven't played more then a smattering of hockey over the past 5 years and yet I am still convinced if I put my mind to it I could be in the NHL, so that either makes me a dreamer or delusional, but in the end are they usually the same thing anyways?
I don't think robots have to go to school, they learned English via the internet, I think they are good.

Are methodology on raising children these days seems to be based on the philosophy of Lady Gaga, "My mama told me, when I was young, we're all born superstars." Everyone thinks their child is so much smarter, cuter and just altogether better then every other child. Unfortunately it is mathematically impossible for every baby to be better then the average baby.
Oh, and just because you have a baby doesn't make you special, so get out of my way and go think preforming a basic biological act makes you superior somewhere else.

Monday, May 16, 2011


This is my proposal for adding an alternative definition for the word "Irony." Language changes, as we are all well aware, yet for unknown reasons so adverse to, the divergence of dialects is the most obvious of linguistic changes. The most blunt example which is the differences between American English and British English, ironically, experts assert that modern American English is more akin to the English spoken in 1600's Britain. So contrary to all assumptions its the British English that has changed more in the past four centuries.

All of that was a very long around way of getting to my point, language changes, and we as a society have already agreed upon a new meaning to the word irony. Most of us use to the word "wrong" and are chastised by the linguistically pretentious among us, but if the majority has an understanding of a word that diverges from the traditional definition, does it not evolve to incorporate the "incorrect" meaning? I argue that it does, I also argue that if one conveys a message that is understood then they have achieved the ultimate goal of communication and thereby should not be shackeled by the confines of "proper" usage.

So In conclusion, I propose we add an alternative definition that incorporates the qualities of the "incorrect" usage of the word Irony, and here is my proposed addition:

"Coincidental yet contradictory, usually in a humorous way."

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Quantum Jumping

Let's talk about quantum physics for a moment, or actually not quantum physics but the ridiculous pseudo-science that links itself to the ideas of quantum physics.

The other day an advertisement caught my eye, it was for something called quantum jumping, and because I am always one to let my ADD get the best of me, I clicked. What I found was some program that claim, or at least I think it was trying to claim, that by using their program you could unlock the secrets of the universe and use the power of your infinite quantum selves.
Don't blame me, I didn't make this shit up, Burt Goldman did.
I didn't do much more then read the introductory paragraph on their website, (you know, because I am not interested in just throwing hours of my life away on some made up garbage, I could be watching 10 American Dad for fucks sake), but I established quite easily that the idea was that by letting all your other quantum selves make the bad choices you would ultimately make all the right choices and BAM! you'd be rich, because that's what the universe wants, you to be loaded, and fuck all those poor people, it's because they can't afford the program to begin with, sad pathetic poor people.
Stop playing around in the dump and start playing around in the quantum sphere.
Now that we have established my personal feelings towards the program, and like minded programs such as The Secret, let's move on to the claim that has caused me hours of lonely anguishing, the idea that every decision we make in life results in a split in reality. If I must elaborate the idea is that if you decide to buy Coke instead of Pepsi at the grocery store, another reality will be created where you pick Pepsi.
...and another, sadder, reality where you choose RC Cola.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Technologically Jaded

We have hit an interesting time in the evolution of technology, a time when in mere days it seems that a technology goes from non-existence to commonplace. Just a couple years ago no one, besides maybe a smattering of business professionals with blackberries, had smart phones. Now 11-year-olds are texting their parents for a ride home from their iPhones. New technologies are being integrated into our daily lives on, well, a daily basis, and all without much notice, we adapt instantly and move on as if these things have existed since time immemorial.
Who needs faith when you can ask him directly.
I do not have an issue with advances in communication technology, it would be asinine for me to. I have a Droid, I use twitter, and obviously the rest of the internet, quite extensively. My point is that we have become uber-spoiled in this technological wonderscape. We are no longer amazed by anything, we pic up an Ipad or Xoom, for those of you, like myself, who are strictly anti-apple, and we don't think "Gee willikers this is incredible, Agnus have you seen this thing, pure amazing." No we are more likely to be in the mind set of, "wait, it doesn't support flash? It's only 3G, WTF is this 2008, get back to me when your device is ahead of it's time Steven."
"Someday I will rule all of Hipsterdom"
We have such high expectations, because well, we have seen so much change. I remember not using Google as a search site, not because I preferred another site, but because Google didn't exist! I used a site called, whose obvious fecal related pun somehow manage saunter pass my adolescent mind without so much as a second glance. I remember my moms first brick of a cell phone and playing snake on it, because my mom hated me and refused to by me a gameboy (at least that's what I was thinking at the time), the only time I got to enjoy the world handheld gaming was at the dentist office, which luckily seems to be the only thing I remember besides the fish.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Where did all the good men go?

"Where did all the good men go?"

How many times have you heard this line, its a main stay of rom-com's is said by approximately 93% of single and 92% of non-single females daily, and in case those examples were to subtle Jennifer Hudson wrote a song with the question as its title.
She either answered her own question of just gave up trying.
So do I have an answer to the question? Not a precise answer but I have my theories, and because I feel that my thoughts are worth your time I will list these theories now. 

The Good Ol' Days
This question is but one in a long line of quarries that assumes that the world as we know it isn't as good as the world that once was. And of course that is where the main issue lies, men didn't use to be better at being men. Maybe they didn't were so much makeup and wear skinny jeans, but in general I would have to argue that men as a whole treat women a hell of a lot better. In fact in many relationships in the modern world the two halves are basically equals in making all sorts of decisions and splitting responsibilities. So to the women out their who think all the good men have vanished and all that is left are scumbags and players, I say drop out of high-school pop out some kids in your late teens early 20's and make sure my fucking dinner is on the table by 6:30 every night. Don't question me when I stay out all night and come home all disheveled and covered in glitter, and get your ass out of bed and make me a sandwich. 
And you better smile the whole damn time! And heels!

The Monster You Created
Was Frankenstein a metaphor for something? I think so, but I don't know what, and I haven't eaten lunch yet so I don't have the energy to Google that shit.

Girls like jerks, everyone knows this. I know some girl out their is screaming "NOT ALL GIRLS!" and this girl is of course just lying. ALL girls like assholes, its seems instinctual, just like guys love stupid girls, don't ask me why I am just reporting my observation of humanity. So "where did all the good men go," you ask, well honey they are out their sitting behind a computer screen not bothering to put themselves out their because all you would do is ignore him and ultimately end up sleeping with his scumbag older brother. So he spends his time doing things he enjoy rather then being dragged through the mud of emotions you will put him through well you look for "Mr. Right Now."
Or if you're adverse to reading this picture sums up the issues presented above.

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Morality Wars

So in case you somehow navigated the internet and managed to not learn about it, Osama Bin Laden is dead. If you want further information refer to your preferred news agency.

Ok, now that that is out of the way...The Morality Wars!

A lot of people are getting pretty pissed about the celebrations in the streets regarding the death of Bin Laden. These people are basically following one of two paths of logic in their opposition to the celebrations.

Path 1: Using an altered (read: FAKE) MLK quote which goes,

 "I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives,
but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy"
these people have decided to use the guise of being uber-peaceful. And this I am OK, because to an extent I agree with their philosophy as in why we should never celebrate the death of another living thing...but before I go on let me address the second path.

Path 2: "This doesn't change anything we are still at war, their will just be someone to replace him...", to these people I say...SHUT THE FUCK UP! If you honestly believe removing (by whichever means) the leader of an organization mean nothing, then why the fuck do we bother voting every four years, why have citizens of the world time and time again removed their leaders, or the leaders of the enemies. Was it all just because no one has got the point yet. Are the Nazi's still running around Europe? Is Bush still our President? No? No! You mean that the leadership changed? You mean that removing a head of an organization can have a lasting impact? Shit, I guess investment bankers do know a thing or two when they sell off Apple stocks when they think Steve Jobs is dead. 
Oh shit...change! That never works!
But back to path 1, celebrating the death of Bin Laden is more then "rejoicing in the death enemy," (see what I did their, man I can totally quote fuck people) it's celebrating a tangible victory for our country over our enemy. The quote even calls him an enemy and to suggest that he isn't is stupid, I mean really like to the point of I don't even know how to put into words stupid.

Their is nothing ambiguous in this victory, their is no gray area. A group of highly trained Navy Seals, went in, under the order directly from the president and successfully eliminated the target. the President showed us that no only can he lead but he can do so while acting like nothing is up making jokes on stage. The CIA and the rest of the intelligence community proved to the world, and more importantly it's own people that they can accomplish a highly important task and not let it slip. The President has known about this for 7 months and not one word of it spilled to the media, or to Bin Laden and his cohorts.
America was celebrating for the first time since 9/11 as a unified whole, the nation as a whole understood the impact the ramifications and the overall importance of this moment. This IS a turning point in American history. America can look at itself and remember that we are Americans and no matter how much the world likes to tell us otherwise, that's not a bad thing, so if your only thought is to act like you are holier-than-thou and stick your nose up at this victory for our country, the enormous moral victory for our troops, well...go fuck yourself.
And fuck Alaska and Hawaii...they totally jumped on the bandwagon anyways

P.S. for everyone who wants to see proof, apparently in the form of photographs. Are you serious? Would you actually believe a photograph or would you just say, oh that's photo-shopped or oh that's not him its someone else made to look like him?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Easter Egg

Here is a photo from my Easter Egg series. I did nothing with the assistance of a computer except for adjusting the cropping. This is just a continuation of my Lambent series, ff you have seen my photography site then you will understand.

Happy Easter Everyone!


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Quantum Physics

Thing's that confuse me (the short list) ...continued

Why do people purchase things they know make them look stupid. i.e. crocs, snuggies, leashes for their children.

Have we hit the point of being so apathetic that this is not embarrassing?

It's pictures like the one above that make you think, "she hasn't killed herself?" "yet hundreds of people with bonding potential do?" It may be this thought alone that spawned the phrase...WHAT...THE...FUCK!

How come if you have a negative opinion of someone, especially famous people, then you are labeled as jealous of said person. Even when stating facts, like Charlie Sheen being crazy, Lady Gaga having a penis or Chris Brown being a women beater? Just writing that sentence means I am jealous of the above cast of characters.

Is their a lazier name for anything then an Orange? I mean going by that logic we should also have something called a yellow, a red, a green, a purple, a blue (let's see...humm...Banana, Apple, Grape, Eggplant and a blueberry). Seriously was the guy who was put in charge of fruit naming on that day out sick and some toddler had to make the name? You could call it anything...I propose a Palpero, it makes sense because oranges have palp and ero because umm...ut sounded good, I would eat a Palpero, plus it sounds spanish and oranges and spain have a pretty sexy history.
Pictured above: Palpero

If you are brown and a bear you are a Brown Bear, if you are a dog you are a Chocolate lab, if you are human and have brown hair you are Brunette, but if you have brown skin you are Black or, if lighter brown, Red (as in Indians...both American and Indian..Indians).

If you are a dog and have Yellow hair you are either a Yellow lab or Golden Retriever, if your human you are blonde, if you are yellow skinned you are from asia?

I am starting to suspect the racial color scheme is inaccurate.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Dream

Educational Opportunities

If you have watched a movie involving college kids, sports, or dead babysitters then you have witness the ridiculous lengths these movies go to explain that "getting an education" is the most important thing in life. Education is indeed important but these movies seem to just glaze right over some glaring facts about why the protagonist would be better off skipping the education in favor of the obvious opportunities that have been presented to them.

Almost every movie involving a stand out high school athlete starting their first year of success on the field/court inevitably has the scene where the athlete is considering entering the professional ranks, and just as inevitably a voice of wisdom comes along to tell them all the reasons they should finish out the collegiate career. Many of these reasons are legit, such as continue to develop as an athlete and make yourself a better prospect, but one reason that is without fail always presented is that said athlete should stay in college and get an education.
If he would have just got the B.A. in Horticulture he would know how to maintain those hedges!
Here is the main issue with this concept, these athlete's are never just some bench warmer hoping to get picked in a late round, they are the stars of the team, projected to go early first round. But for arguments sake let's say our athlete gets picked late, cause we wouldn't want to state the obvious multi-million dollar signing bonuses of first round picks. The MINIMUM yearly salary of a first year NBA player is nearly $500,000, which goes up to over $750,000 their second year. NFL minimum (as of now before the new agreement) is nearly $300,000 for a rookie over $350,000 for their second year. (Both of these number continue to increase each year the player is in their respective league.)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Things that should be tweets!

Am I the only one who misses Hilary Duff?

Is it irony that all my bills revolve around the ability to be a productive employee? Like I wouldn't need transportation if I didn't have a job, and I went to college to get a better job, but all the shit costs me money.

If I am ever homeless, I plan on robbing banks, I mean I either get money to live off of, or I go to jail and get housing and food...and sex...

I think I just listened to the same song (Houston Calls-The Oaks on Price Street) about 35 times on repeat, but I can't be sure...YouTube should track this stuff.

Yay! Cracker Jacks!

Why is that coew staring at me? WHY!!!!
No MORE CRACKER JACKS!!!!...nevermind found another pack...phewwwy!
Shouldn't I be writing well thought out articles about Miyosaki films or at the very least the little mermaid...nope cracker jacks and random thoughts is definitely an easier way to pad the blog with extra "content."

I saw this on the highway today...unfortunately I never had the thought "hey keep your camera on you in case the ghostbuster mobile drives by you on the highway." and I feel stupid for missing that opportunity.