Friday, February 18, 2011

Cereal

If you follow me on twitter (and you totally should, because I will send you awesome presents!) than you started off the day with a box a Quisp and the overwhelming urge to hit me for taunting you with its sweet crunchy goodness.
For all my non-twitter followers here is the picture, but alas you still never got to see the Octopus Hotdog. Until you click on that link of course. Follow me Damnit!

Quisp is the best cereal in the world hands down, and what makes it even more special is how rare it is. If you want Quisp you are subject to two options, order it from the Internet, or take the make fun route and just wait for one of its sporadic appearances at a grocery store near you. I choose the latter because it just makes it so much more satisfying to know that it is a fleeting moment of perfection.

But the second reason I have for waiting till Quisp finds me, is that I love cereal, all cereal. Shaun Jewell (who does not have a twitter but you can find him on FB here) and I were in Europe, specifically a small town just outside Barcelona, Spain, when we had a long and in-depth conversation about the attributes that make cereal the best foodstuff EVER.
Shaun Jewell with long hair, and, more relevant, cereal. In fact you may notice the strange names, because this picture is from Spain and those boxes were the catalyst for the Best Foodstuff Award.


Cereal rules because of its variety and the fact that its nearly infallible. Everyone loves cereal, maybe not every type, cause honestly Rice Krispies are garbage when not molded together with the gooey remains of a once proud Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man. If you ever meet a person who states that they hate cereal, you should promptly kill them, because odds are they are about to attack you and attempt to feed on your brains (Zombies again? Yes, and you're welcome).
"Zombie Shaun want more cereal, NOW"
Cereal is a quick and easy meal, and according to the commercials, which my mom says are honest and should be taken as sound medical advice, cereal is a nutritious way to start your day. I choose to also use it to end my day and frequently as a way to stave off hunger to continue my day. This entire paragraph got me thinking I should make a Super-Size Me-esque mockumentary about eating only cereal, and instead of getting fat and unhealthy I would become a shining beacon of manliness. The only problem is that would entail a lot of makeup and CGI and I don't have the technical skills or the money to pull that off, leaving me with the alternative of actually going to the gym and getting ripped, and that seems unlikely at best.

In conclusion cereal is great; cerea-ously great. If you don't like cereal you're not human, you're not even a living thing. Horses love cereal, and dogs, and mice.
...and fish!

So go into your kitchen and enjoy a delicious nutritious meal,

maybe with some milk, 
maybe with some yogurt, 
maybe just dry, 
anyway you eat it
is super fly. 

Also worth noting, this is my first article in which I didn't plagiarize any of the photos, so I think I deserve a round of applause.


STMTZ

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