So I have decided that, due to my unquestioned success from last year, it is my duty to inform you and, subsequently, all of humanity of my vision of how things will pan out in 2012. So without further ado....
STMTZ's 2012 Predictions and
The year of 2012 will be a tumultuous year, as the United States (the only country that really matters anyways) continues to attempt to dig itself out of a finical crisis that has left scores of millionaires questioning how they will afford a new summer home after a rogue group of Occupy Wall Streeter's decided to take their tents to the Hamptons, where an unattended campfire starts a hedge fire that quickly engulfs the seaside resort which has suffered greatly at the hands of the multi-year economic disaster.
|The means YOU! Hippies!|
In Europe (the only other landmass Americans can reliably find on a map aside from their own country) the powers that be come to a resolution, which as expected sends stocks soaring around the globe. Just as sighs of relief are heard from Malibu to Lake Como, another European country announces that it somehow lost a staggering sum of money, sending stocks plummeting back into the Mariana Trench, but not before those with the means and knowledge had time to short all the stock options, assuring another year of positive growth for the Ferrari and Lamborghini corporations of rural Italy.
|You can ad this to the STMTZ wishlist!|
In the world of sports, one team wins the Super Bowl, over another team, and billions of dollars are spent in a joke writing contest, the winner is some guy in Omaha, the loser in America, who studies revile lost a collective three IQ points, forever skewing the bell curve and driving statistics major crazy.
|Women. Football. Pandering to male audience *check|
|Every news computer really has this button.|
As with all summers nothing of note happens, at least not in America, and therefore not on the planet. Fall quickly takes over and we find ourselves with a new four legged President. Donald Trump instantly demands to see his breeding papers, which The Trump claims prove that President Apollo in not in fact a full bred Golden Retriever, the only breed legally allowed to run for the presidency. After some time the papers are released proving that the President is 1/16th Beagle, and he is quickly impeached, leaving the vacated seat to be filled by his Vice President, Air Bud.
|The First Family! Pandering to female audience *check|
And then, because I have nothing more to say, the year is over, and you find yourself sitting at STMTZ.com reading all about what to look forward to in 2013.