Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Greatest Idea (that I didn't come up with)

Baby Banning is a new movement slowly creeping its way across the nation, nay, the world. Due to the growing economic influence of childless couples and singles, businesses are starting to enact policies which prohibit children. This trend is obviously catching some flack, mainly from parents of young children, who already think that, because they are caring for the future generation of cubicle drones, they deserve special privledges.

Most of the places current enforcing or considering a Baby Ban are upscale entertainment options, however the idea seems to be getting a thoughtful nod from some less obvious places. Restaurants are  some of the most prevalent issuers of the policy, and why not is their anything more annoying than a child throwing a tantrum, only for the parent to sit their oblivious that their offspring is disturbing everyone else in the facility. Movie Theaters also seem to be found of the idea, again nothing ruins a movie quicker than a obnoxious child, except maybe the 14 people texting at any given moment (two reasons I haven't set foot in a cinema in over a year).

Every childless adult seems to be very pleased with the idea of a Baby Ban and considering the amount of money many yet-to-reproduce adults have, businesses are listening. The parents with young children are not taking this well because they are being treated like a smoker in 2005. However, it must be noted that parents with young children have a tendency to feel like the world should cater to their every whim because they are raising the next superstar or rocket scientist, so anything they feel or think should be written off as delusional at best.

Learn to control your children and than maybe (but probably not) I will give a hoot (seriously I still won't but control the little fucker).

Thursday, July 7, 2011

5 Customers Dreaded By Servers

Awhile back I wrote an article about Customers Dreaded By Cashiers. Since that time I have left the world of retail for the restaurant industry, and have re-encounter a bevy of irritating people, more politely referred to as customers or patrons. I am sure everyone, whether having been wait staff before or not, is aware of the obvious annoyances, bad tippers, people who decide everything wrong with their life is your fault, and of course, those who smell repulsive. But I don't want to bore you with those scenarios, instead I have made a list of 5 types of customers hated by servers, with which I will now bore you with. 
How shocking! A blogger by night, waiter by day. Bet you never saw that coming


5. Indecisive People
Who is this?
Most people who walk into a restaurant are aware of how the general process goes, however their is a small sect of patrons who decide that this process is apparently outdated and has decided it's better to sit around and talk for 30 minutes before ordering. 95% of tables have figured out that you decide what you're going to order prior to reminiscing about your braces getting ensnared with Frank Bellamy in the teachers lounge in 9th grade, this table however has decided that they would like to mix things up a bit.
And make your phone calls before and after coming to eat. I don't think you are important, you're just an asshole.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Half and Half

Today, July 3rd, is the middlemost day of the year, which means at noon 2011 is exactly half over and half yet-to-come. My first idea was to write an article regarding where exactly 2011 has taken us as a society, then I remembered that I don't pay attention to the news or bother with anything (TV shows, sports, Celebrities) in the current timeline and that my observations would be utterly moronic.

I can't tell you one band that released a CD this year, minus the unavoidable ones like Britney's "Femme Fatale" and Gaga's "Born This Way".  I can't tell you who, if anyone, has replaced The Kardashian's as the new undeserving celebrities. I can't elaborate on who exactly is running for president, or even what the big issues are.
I would endorse Ron Paul at this point but that seems counterproductive after my previous statement.
I can't tell you what Middle Eastern country is currently attempting to overthrow their government, or whether the US supports of opposes the citizens of this unknown land. I can't tell you if the US economy is about to collapse or is currently recovering. I would be pressed to even confidently give you my assessment of Obama's presidency. 

If you waded through that tangent on my lack of knowledge you have arrived at this destination, and are probably wondering where exactly this post is going. Well Mom, thanks for sticking with my rant and now I will rewarded you with a list of stuff I do know.