Monday, March 17, 2014

Why Girls Date Douchebags

"Girls love Douchebags!"
It's a phrase that has been said so repeatedly that it has become, possibly, the most well known of clichés. Theories abound to how accurate this cliché is and to the causes of its prevalence. Some suggest that girls are innately attracted to douchebags, because doucheyness ignites an instinctual want for a powerful, dominate mate.  Other suggests its because girls actually prefer to be treated badly, due to societal conditioning that suggests they are second-class citizens.
I am far too lazy to conduct a scientific study on a woman's propensity toward douche love, but I am not too lazy to just lay out my theory...

Available Resources
If you were to need to build a shelter out in the wilderness you would first have to assess your available resources. If you are in a forest you would have an ample supply of timber. However, if you were in the frozen northern regions of Alaska you would need to work with the abundant supply of ice.

In a similar fashion, women also have to work with what they have available to them, and not all males are as easily accessible as others. Women have been programed by society to be timid and to never "make the first move." This conditioned fear of ice-breaking leads to an unbalanced scale, which tips in the favor of the notorious douchebag.
The main characteristic of the douche is arrogance, this arrogance leads to a decreased understanding of social norms, such as not approaching a strange woman on a street corner. Arrogance also leads to a lack of understanding when it comes to rejection, so a typical douche can endure far more rejection than your average guy. This leads to a simple statistical inevitability, that eventually one girl will accept his advances. 

With all the nice guys firmly planting their wallflower roots on the sideline, the douchebags are having a free for all, which also has the added effect of creating an alternate cliche, "all guys are assholes," because the only guys in the game are the douches, leaving the non-assholes effectively out of the equation. But if girls are aware that these guys are all assholes why don't they just break social norms and approach the wallflowers? or even just remain single in lieu of dating an asshole?

All Woman are Desperate for 'Love'
If you aren't a female you can't possibly fathom how obsessed they are with the notion of finding "the one." I, of course, am not a female so even my observations come up short of quantifying this desire.  If you are a single man, you general don't garner much attention, in fact, in many cases you become a sort of hero to those men who have been trapped by the confines of a relationship. Your sports car, your passing out at 4 in the morning while playing Halo, your excessive collection of alcohol, are the envy of every man who has to suffer through chick-flicks, ballet recitals and minivans.
Didn't want to stereotype. Douchebags come in all genres.
If you are a single woman, well then society says something is wrong with you. You must be a bitch, or ugly, or just a generally unattractive person and pray to god you don't say single later into life, "shrew!" There is no glamor to female single hood, this societal condition forces girls into believing they must have a "man." So the longer a girl remains single the more likely she is to just take whatever is put in front of her, which brings us back to available resources.

If a girl just wants a man, but is unwilling to approach a man she will be left to choose among the men who approach her, and these men tend to be the men arrogant enough to believe they deserve a presence with our generic female. This also explains why woman are incredibly unlikely to leave a douche, even in the face of uber-doucheness. This is of course not always the case, because sometimes the nice guy gets the girl, which is simply explained by...

Forced Social Interaction
Numerous studies have shown that the most successful relationships don't actually start out as romantic relationships. These relationships start in situation of forced social interaction, such as work, school or extracurricular activities. Basically in situation where both parties are required to communicate, and the societal parameters of male/female interplay are circumvented.

So if you're a nice guy, your best chance of landing a girl is to engage in social activities or grow a set and go talk to girls (Personally I'll stick with the former, cause I haven't got to the point of pulling off the latter without excessive displays of embarrassment.) If you are a girl searching for "just one guy who isn't an asshole," then engage in social activities or grow a set and go talk to guys. We started with a cliché, then found a couple more in the body of this editorial, so it's only fit we end with one to summarize our findings,

"You will never score if you don't take a shot."

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