Friday, March 7, 2014

5 Reasons I Prefer Being Single

The older I get the more increasing the pressure seems to get on me finding a significant other. Like there is some magical timeline for how romantic courtship is supposed to unfold throughout life. Truthfully, I thought that I would be married by 28, but as I speed along towards that fateful age that seems unlikely. It’s starting to look unlikely I will “settle down” before my thirties, if ever, and most of the world seems far more upset about this than I do. My sister complains, “aren’t you lonely?” My parents get all giddy anytime I mention a new girl who has entered my social realm. 

But you know what, I love being single, the best years of my life have been my single years. I have traveled more, experienced more and made more friends, simply by not having to consider another persons feelings. Maybe that is why I am best single, because I am not yet ready to sacrifice my own wants for those of another because honestly…

I Like Being A Slob
I don’t want to do my laundry today, I have a clean pair of boxers and I can just go buy some socks at Target. I mean don’t get me wrong I don’t live in squalor, I don’t leave food laying about, or refuse to take the trash to the curb on trash day, but I find little harm in not having sheets on my bed or leaving my shoes in the middle of the living room. From time to time, I get the urge to clean, but that’s on my schedule, it’s not demanded of me on a Wednesday at 7pm after I have just spent the day from hell at work, it’s probably a Sunday morning enjoying mimosas by myself.  Maybe I will get around to doing the dishes today, but let’s be honest, unless my mom is coming to visit I am probably just going to use paper towels as a plate for the fist full of hot dogs I am going to eat for breakfast, because…
Bright side: it's really easy to keep track of what I've been eating.
I Like Eating What I Want
I can cook, let’s just put that out there for the ladies reading this who are currently disgusted by the vision of desolation they think my apartment is, but sometimes I like to eat cereal, at 3am, in bed, while watching Rugrats. If I get the overwhelming urge to cook food that I would like to share, I have friends. If you want someone to appreciate a well executed chicken marsala, I can invite over a group of guys who have been living off pizza and wings for the past three months, and trust me they would be more than appreciative. I love trying new foods, but I don’t plan three weeks out, I just get an unexplainable urge for lamb vindaloo and that’s what I want now, and while sometimes I have to go on food adventures alone I can usual find a friend to tag along and that’s great because…
It's mine it's all mine...even if that's clear not me...
I Can Hang Out With Whomever I want
I don’t have to convince any one person to go eat frog legs and snails with me, I can invite whomever I want. Hell, we can make it a group outing if we wish, and we can invite females! That’s right, girls always talk about how nice it is to just, “hang out with the guys,” the same is sometimes true for guys hanging out with a girls. Sometimes it’s nice to go have Bellinis for brunch and talk about the Oscars, instead of drinking cheap beer and watching grown men get paid millions of dollars to throw a ball around. I can come home after a nice meal talking about love stories and which actress had the best dress and I can relax with Netflix on a pile of unfolded clean cloths and smile because…
Usually my outings don't include ocean views. And why are those two girls standing, are there not more chairs, am I that rude! 
I Don’t Get Yelled At
There is no condescending remarks about how lazy I am, no random jealousy towards my female friends, no one crying because I used the wrong word order to tell her she had a fly away. Just me sitting in quiet solitude, basking in the warmth of freedom and opportunity, because the world is my oyster and…
So here's the story behind this photo, because it supports my points: this allegedly drunk Vikings fan got yelled at by his girlfriend/wife/whatever because he ate ice cream with a credit card.
I Can Make Abrupt, Life Altering, Choices On A Whim 
I can quit my job and move to Memphis tomorrow, without consulting with anyone. Or maybe just get a dog, or a three cats, and no one can explain to me how I should have asked them first. I can move in with a group of college kids and pretend that although I have seen more revolutions of the sun than them, I am still just a kid at heart, and maybe that’s what this is all about. Maybe being a grown up is just not something I am ready for, maybe I just want to play Frisbee and smoke hookahs, and tell "the man" to fuck off, just for a little longer, cause soon I will be 30 and it will be creepy to hang out with kids who don’t remember a world without Facebook, or have never heard of Courage the Cowardly Dog. So maybe this is a twenties crisis, begging for one last shot at freedom, before the only option I have left are to find a good woman and compromise on cleaning, eating, social circles, and deal with the arguments that come out of those compromises. And maybe, just maybe, meandering through life with a co pilot won’t be so bad. 
To be fair, having a girlfriend would make getting these photographs a lot easier. Oh, well that's why man invented tripods.
But for now, I have some left over szechuan duck in the fridge and it’s nearly noon so I think a glass of wine is acceptable. 

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