Monday, March 31, 2014

Affirmation of Sensitivity

There's never been a better time to be a sensitive man. Society has began to except the role of male emotions. Many sensitive men are still fearful that they will fail, that the world will walk all over them if they don't put on a strong face. Wether at work or when it comes to relationships are finding it hard to navigate a world that still expects men to be "manly," to hide their emotions and face adversity with bravery and confidence.

It is time for sensitive men to express to the world how they feel, and show that emotions can be a powerful motivator in progress, both professionally and personally. 

So resolve to:
  1. Own your Manliness. Yes, you are a man. You’re strong, sensitive, passionate and scared. Celebrate your depth, show it off.
  2. Make no apologies. You are who you are. Confident yet commiserate. If a woman is turned off by your sensitivity, she is not the woman for you!
  3. Be glad to be delicate. You don’t always have to put on a tough act. Tell yourself you feel—and thank goodness for that!
  4. Don’t try to “prove” your “macho-ness” by doing yard work. You don’t have to mow the lawn just because you’re a man,  Never feel that you have to tailor your behavior to meet outdate stereotypes. 
  5. Never act smarter than you are. You’ll only play yourself in the end, you are who you are, you don’t need to use big words on complex topics to impress a woman. You don’t have to remake yourself to fit societies image. 
  6. Trust you instincts. If you aren’t ready to be in a long-term relationship, ignore the taunts that you can’t commit to anything. You don’t have to be in any rush to “settle down,” when the time is right you will know. 
  7. Enjoy her being the breadwinner. Revel in following your dreams. Money shouldn’t be your only motivator. You woman making more money than you does not make you slothful.
  8. Understand that being sensitive is not a value judgement. It is your personality type, and you need to use this to fulfill your potential. 
  9. Never blame yourself exclusively for problems in a relationship. Men have been trained to believe they are supposed to act strong and never show emotions. In a relationship she needs to respect your emotions, and allow you to express them.
  10. Understand that it may take some time for you to find the right partner. Know that you don’t have to “settle” for a partner who doesn’t live up to a realistic standard. 
  11. Look past the Alpha females who may initially attract you. Their strong personalities will stick out from the pack, but my end up drowning you out. Find a woman who respects who you are and can meet you half way in building a lifelong relationship. 
  12. Never be ashamed by your sexual appetites. You are a strong, sensitive, energetic male. You crave sex, and you shouldn’t feign docility, find a woman who can fulfill your desires. 
  13. Get used to the idea that personality traits like, compassion, dominance, sensitivity, and risk-taking are neither masculine or feminine. Choosing a partner just like you may not work nearly as well as one who complements you. 

Andy Steinmetz is in no way a Ph.D., of anything, nor has he bothered to study any psychology outside of bachelor's level prerequisite courses and has author exactly zero books on the subject of sensitive men.

This is in response to a Huffpost blog by Dr. Sonya Rhodes entitled, Affirmation of Alpha

Friday, March 28, 2014

27 Thoughts From 27 Years

Today is my birthday, and I am 27, as the title so graciously alludes. Admittedly much of what I learned in the first portion of that time was incidental stuff, like walking and controlling my drooling, but that later portion of it has been filled with insights and experiences, that allow me to now bestow a smidgen of my wisdom onto the masses. in no particular order...

1. If you want to do something, do it. 
2. Everyone has a story, most suck.
3. You can't force relationships. (platonic or romantic)
4. Surround yourself with people who invigorate you. 
5. Don't live half assed. 

6. You don't want to be the person who is handed everything.
7. Live a life that inspires others to live a life that inspires.
8. You never know who is going to be a character in your stories. 
9. Sleep is overrated.
10. Intellectual conversations are hard to come by, cherish them.

11. Exist outside your comfort zone. 
12. Don't expect reciprocation for favors, always reciprocate. 
13. Fear is stupid. 
14. Passion is paramount to prestige
15. Change the world, for the better. 
16. Your dream job exists, make it yours.
17. Nothing is worth being miserable. 
18. Always choose the option that will lead to a better story.
19. If you're not learning anything, the conversation is frivolous. 
20. Ameliorate your lexicon.  
21. The answer is usually right in front of you.
22. Perspective can change everything. 
23. Pedanticism is unbecoming, so is ignorance. 
24. Anger is inefficient, use diplomacy. 

25. Nice guys don't finish last, boring guys do.
26. Question more.
27. Live in a way that the line at your funeral stretches out the door and down the block. 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Lessons From a Guy Who Lives in His Mom's Basement

If you are sitting back wondering what the point of life is then you are probably have too much free time...get a job you bum! Some people think life is about being a good person and helping other people, some think it's about the number of people you sleep with or how much money you can accumulate and still others think it's about learning.  For the sake of conciseness (and a coincidental lack of inspiration on how else to introduce the following statements) we will assume this last group is "right" and that life is just hands on learning, where supposedly a postmortem exam being tallied as 100% of your grade!

So with that exam in mind, I would like to bestow upon you my knowledge so that you may pass and get you're free subscription to Netflix, a keg of Lions Head and an endless supply of pizzas.
I chose Netflix over boobs! What have I become! "Everything I hate," I reply to myself, as my own voice distorts through the toilet paper roll I pressed against my lips, ignoring the extremely disturbing proximity this presents for biological pathogens.
You can't be friends with exes...
I know, I know, you and your ex are on great terms and blah blah blah... Stop lying and/or being naive! It's this simple: one of you wants the other back. If it's you wanting them, you are the aforementioned liar; if you don't think this is the case, you are the previously alluded to naive one. Or the third, unmentioned, category which suggests you know the other party is interested in reigniting the extinguished flames of desire and you are leading them on with false hope because you are callous and enjoying watching other people suffer for your affection (you are a sociopath, please do NOT purchase a weapon, and immediately seek counseling).
The friends with exes scenario only have three conclusions...

Monday, March 24, 2014

5 Types of Insufferable Drivers

The world is filled with people who can't drive, seriously, many of the people who I encounter on my daily commutes shouldn't be allowed to navigate a grab claw at the local movie theater, let alone a multi-ton death machine. Yet they are allowed and due to the excessive efforts of those of us with a passable ability to propel our vehicles out of harms way, they get to and from their destination with little awareness of the pain and anguish they have caused along their route.

Each and every day I am forced to take to the roads with the knowledge that I am going to encounter a variety of annoying behaviors that drive me (pun?) absolutely bonkers. Because I spend a significant portion of my life in isolation I have taken to having elaborate conversions with myself, in these exchanges I have begun to identify some of the most rage inducing behaviors I encounter, and because if I list them here it seems like I'm productive and somehow less crazy I will lay them out for you.

Friday, March 21, 2014

5 Lessons of Kinda-Sorta Homelessness

I am voluntarily homeless. I quit all my jobs, jumped in a car and headed west. I spent most of the first quarter of 2014 traveling around the country, enjoying as much of the natural beauty of the western portion of America as one can possibly shove into 50 days. Now I have found myself in a new place I call “home,” without the operative object to suggest the title, a home. This is by no means the kind of homeless that would make a CNN special, or demand the attention of a special interest group, but none-the-less it has been eye opening. I have learn a variety of valuable lessons, and noticed some things I have taken for granted throughout life. I have developed a system of sorts that has allowed me to survive rather comfortably whilst being house-less. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

6 Infuriating Things About Job Searching

Searching for jobs sucks. It’s actually significantly more exhausting than working an actual sucky job. Yes, it’s that bad. For every 15 jobs you apply for you are lucky to receive maybe one communication beyond being told “thank you for your interest, we will now review your application and see if you’re a good fit,” which roughly translates to something like, "we received 400 applications for this job, read none of them and hired our secretary's cousin." However, instead of getting discouraged by this seemingly futile task of sending out my resume, like people on a float throwing candy out at a parade, I turn to the always stress relieving task of writing a list. So after weeks of job searching, I still don’t have a job, but I do have the following collection of observations, which as always I will share with you.

6. Cover Letters
Does anyone actually think I am going to sit down and write a unique cover letter for each company I apply for? Does anyone actually do that? Have we not all formulated a cover letter where we change a selection of words, like a professional game of mad libs. A cover letter is just another way of writing a résumé, which seems a bit redundant considering I am required to send that in. 
This sums up applying for jobs pretty accurately.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Why Girls Date Douchebags

"Girls love Douchebags!"
It's a phrase that has been said so repeatedly that it has become, possibly, the most well known of clichés. Theories abound to how accurate this cliché is and to the causes of its prevalence. Some suggest that girls are innately attracted to douchebags, because doucheyness ignites an instinctual want for a powerful, dominate mate.  Other suggests its because girls actually prefer to be treated badly, due to societal conditioning that suggests they are second-class citizens.
I am far too lazy to conduct a scientific study on a woman's propensity toward douche love, but I am not too lazy to just lay out my theory...

Available Resources
If you were to need to build a shelter out in the wilderness you would first have to assess your available resources. If you are in a forest you would have an ample supply of timber. However, if you were in the frozen northern regions of Alaska you would need to work with the abundant supply of ice.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Are Women Making Themselves Obsolete?

This morning I woke up and, like every morning, quickly grabbed my phone to scan through my twitter feed, a.k.a. my morning news. In my perusing, I came across a posting that included this meme...
...posted by a friend of mine, along with some line about how it's 2014 and women can do more than wear pearls and make dinner. I assume the tweet was some subverted commentary to some man in her life who had involuntarily opened the pandora's box of feminism that lives within the ovaries of every woman.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

According to commercials 1 in 5 relationships start through an online dating service. This to me is astounding, I mean that's 20%, that's so ridiculously high it seems like a lie, or that there is some detail they left out like, "1 in 5 relationships start online, for people who own more than 3 cats and think Tonya Harding is attractive," that makes more sense. But we will take it at face value and assume it is a FACT, mainly due to my utter laziness and lack of interest in researching relationship statistics.

How does it seem like a good idea?
At what point does a person sit down and think to themselves, you know what, I should use the Internet to find a date. Is it directly after viewing hours of online porn? Does the thought process go, "you know spending my nights with all these crazy drunken loose women was fun, but now I really just wanna settle down and find a good woman to spend my life with, I'll just skip and head over to to meet some quality ladies." Honestly under what other pretext does finding love via keyboard make sense, or at least more sense than walking into the local grocery store and just randomly approaching attractive individuals.
I think I have a genius new advertising campaign for a grocery store chain. E-mail Me.
If you instantly thought to yourself, "if you walk up to strangers they will think you are weird," then you are on the track to where I am going with this entry.

Isn't this the exact thing we WARN children against?
The age old question is at what age is a person truly and adult, in America we have at least 4 different levels of adulthood (16 you can legally operate a lethal killing machine, at 18 you can legally start destroying you lungs and dwindling down your savings on games of chance, at 21 your can add your liver to the organs that will fail you, and at 25 someone somewhere might let you drive a rental car.). We warn kids against strangers their entire life and then ship them off into the real world and tell them the only way they will make it is to network...with strangers. The Internet has create a whole new world of strangers, and because most parents are about as aware of how the Internet work as teenagers are about why M*A*S*H was ever a popular show, the level of paranoia skyrockets. I feel comfortable saying that a parent would feel more comfortable with their child telling the cashier a list of their fears then posting on their Facebook that they like The Jonas Brothers.

Friday, March 7, 2014

5 Reasons I Prefer Being Single

The older I get the more increasing the pressure seems to get on me finding a significant other. Like there is some magical timeline for how romantic courtship is supposed to unfold throughout life. Truthfully, I thought that I would be married by 28, but as I speed along towards that fateful age that seems unlikely. It’s starting to look unlikely I will “settle down” before my thirties, if ever, and most of the world seems far more upset about this than I do. My sister complains, “aren’t you lonely?” My parents get all giddy anytime I mention a new girl who has entered my social realm. 

But you know what, I love being single, the best years of my life have been my single years. I have traveled more, experienced more and made more friends, simply by not having to consider another persons feelings. Maybe that is why I am best single, because I am not yet ready to sacrifice my own wants for those of another because honestly…

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

What I Learned From My Fake Engagement

The other day I got engaged, well, fake engaged that is. A random conversation had somehow led to my friend Rora mentioning she would require a $20,000 engagement ring to consider a proposal, that led to her pulling out her grandmothers ring. Rora and I decided to post a picture of the two of us with her sporting the shiny diamond ring on her ring finger. Rora upped the ante by captioning the picture “I spy…,” referencing the shinny stone at the center of the picture. We were unsure of what to expect, we thought it was hysterical, barely able to pull it together enough for the photo. 
Innocent platonic picture!
We expected an onslaught of commentary as soon as we had published the fraudulent photo, but we got nothing. Ten minutes passed, still nothing, then 15, two likes, maybe this was getting somewhere. Finally we called in back ups, convincing a couple friends to comment congratulations on the picture. It was acceptable that no one would expect to see us engaged, we barely had any photos prior to this, and had never even alluded to our false relationship. With the little nudge the post took off, “likes” and comments pouring in, making our phones buzz in unison. We continued laughing, then the texts started flooding in, the phone calls. The beast had taken on a life of it’s own, still hysterical, but surprisingly informative. 

Monday, March 3, 2014

Why do people spend money on _____?

People spend alot of money are really stupid stuff. I can count myself along the legions who have bought things and never even used them. I have a sports coat I have never worn, still with the tags on it proclaiming the $75 I wasted for some closet decoration. So I can't say I am the worlds best when it comes to making rational financial choices, but I have started to wonder about my friends and family who perpetually waste money on things that are effectively free. No, I am not talking about buying bottled water, because pointing that out is about as obvious as saying Paris Hilton has a lazy eye.
As an aside, why does anyone pay for anything she endorses?
Owning books makes people appear intelligent, and this is quite possibly the only reason many books have ever been purchased. We can skip over the observation that most books, I am willing to say upwards of 85%, never get read and spend their entire existence taking up space on a book shelf, only to be sold for 50cents at a garage sale 15 years later, where they will be bought and thrown into a box with other unread books and stored in some old ladies basement until a flood comes and destroys it.
The books are all disheveled, that must mean I read them, I am so smart