Searching for jobs sucks. It’s actually significantly more exhausting than working an actual sucky job. Yes, it’s that bad. For every 15 jobs you apply for you are lucky to receive maybe one communication beyond being told “thank you for your interest, we will now review your application and see if you’re a good fit,” which roughly translates to something like, "we received 400 applications for this job, read none of them and hired our secretary's cousin." However, instead of getting discouraged by this seemingly futile task of sending out my resume, like people on a float throwing candy out at a parade, I turn to the always stress relieving task of writing a list. So after weeks of job searching, I still don’t have a job, but I do have the following collection of observations, which as always I will share with you.
6. Cover Letters
Does anyone actually think I am going to sit down and write a unique cover letter for each company I apply for? Does anyone actually do that? Have we not all formulated a cover letter where we change a selection of words, like a professional game of mad libs. A cover letter is just another way of writing a résumé, which seems a bit redundant considering I am required to send that in.
|This sums up applying for jobs pretty accurately.|
5. Experience and Education
I have seen a multitude of jobs that require 10-15 years of experience, and yet they still state an individual interested in the position have a bachelors degree. Seriously what do you think this person learned over a decade ago in school that they wouldn’t have picked up working in the field.
4. Job Posted 30+ Days Ago
Have you really not filled the job yet? Or is your HR person just too lazy to take down the listing, and if that is the case can I just have their job? I don’t really have much more to say on this topic, it’s just infuriating to click on a job and realize that the listing was posted so long ago that bottled water purchased on the date it was put up would have expired by now. If it takes your company over a month to fill a position you probably A. are being far too picky and B. don’t really need that role filled, cause someone is clearly getting the work done under the current structure.
3. An Account for What?
Why do I have to create a user account to apply for a job with your company, doesn't that just scream unnecessary, and isn’t that using up server space when you have hundreds, thousands, of accounts set up for the single use task of submitting a résumé? Then to top it off you want me to make up some elaborate password, so that my account isn't hacked, because god forbid a hacker get my résumé, wouldn’t want that being spread all over the internet.
2. Social Media URLs
What!? You want me to link you to my twitter account? What purpose could that possibly serve you? Are you just too lazy to google me the old fashion way? I can understand linking to my LinkedIn, as that is a professional social network, although admittedly I don’t know who actually uses this platform, but twitter and facebook, I think I will just keep those URLs to myself. If you don’t hire me based on the sole reason that I didn’t make it easy to look into my personal life, then I can assume yours is a company I rather not be at.
1. Let me just send you my résumé!
If I upload my résumé I shouldn’t have to fill out an application, reiterating everything that’s already on the résumé! Just let me send in a résumé and cut it with all the personal information pages, the cover letters, the questionnaires. If you want to know more about me, that’s what interviews are for, and that’s when I will give you my references contact info. You really think all my professional colleagues want me dispersing their e-mail addresses and phone numbers haphazardly to a bunch of companies that, as stated in the open, are probably never going to give my application so much as a passing glance?
In conclusion, I have lost the ability to write in a style that can be regarded as humorous, and for that I apologize, but after typing “Andrew Steinmetz, 8145660..., aps...@gmail.com” 9000 times today I have little left. So here you are, world, my résumé!